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498a Discussion Forum - View topic - AGAR AAP CHAHO TO KAL DATE PER CHALE
It is currently Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:09 pm



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AGAR AAP CHAHO TO KAL DATE PER CHALE 
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:44 pm
Posts: 5419
Location: Delhi (India)
Don't be surprised, this is the message I have recieved from my lovely 498-A wife.

AGAR AAP CHAHO TO KAL DATE PER CHALE (We shall go on a date, if you wish so)

When I was in class 2nd or 3rd, I had read a story, which has stayed with me ever since. However, when I see around, I don't see many a people who have learnt their lessons well. Before elaborating further on my 498-A saga and asking my bethren for advise, I would like to share that story:

Once there was a farmer who had a large cultivated field. Amidst the crops in the field, a sparrow had built a nest. She roosted in the nest. She got few children. The little sparrows lived with their mother happily.

Days passed by and when the harvesting season approached. People everywhere started to harvest the crops. The concerned little sparrows asked their mother, whether they would have to fly away. The mother sparrow always repied, the time is not ripe as yet, because the farmer is not ready. One day, the little sparrows heard the farmer saying "I must call my neighbours and make them do the harvest.” Over concerned, the little sparrows asked theie mother, "Maa, we must fly away as the farmer said so and so." The mother was unconcerned and true to her prophecy, the neighbours didnot turn up the next day.

Next day, the little ones heard the farmer saying, "I will call my relatives and make them do the harvest".

This time also the little ones wanted to flyaway. But the mother asked them to relax. Once again, the words of the mother came true.

Now, they heard the farmer saying "Tomorrow I will do the harvest myself'. On hearing these words, the mother said, “Come my children. It is time for us to leave this field".

MORAL : A person who doesnot help himself, is never helped.

Continuing with the saga, there have been numerous interlocutors who have approched me in last two years to resolve the dispute, but they have not been successful. My conditions are simple and eventually all have backed out blaming her family for being rigid and all.

In the meantime, I heard some rumours that her family wants her to handover the child to me. Also the grapevine was of some serious infighting and her other sister also having some matrimonial issues. Another rumour I heard was of her sis-in-law refusing to ever come back to their house as long as she is in the house. (These all informations I have recd from certain sources, who may have their interest in somethings, and they might be trying to pass information here and there to gain certain advantages to themselves, hence can not be relied 100%)

And yes my pressure on Income Tax is telling by pressure on them.

Perjury is one thing, which her lawyer knows I have researched inside-out is yet another thing (Am I boasting? I am prone to do that. ;-) )

Now in this light, the above message from my lovely 498-A wife came a day before when she was to be cross-examined. They have been successful in delaying that for last One Year and Ten Odd Months. But after warrants, bound down and my evidence etc closed in GWA case, they are left with little scope. Lest, I ask for a ex-parte in GWA.

However, neither she nor her counsel turned up for the cross-examintion and the reason cited by a third person on their behalf was a death in close family.

In the meantime, I and my lovely 498-A wife, have been doing a lot of chitter chatter on sms. Finally after a lot of non-issues she stated her intent to resume co-habitation with me.

I have asked for discussion prior to that can happen to resolve all pending disputes and have categorically told her that I am open to discussion on any thing and of everything without prejudice to our respective rights, but if we discuss anything, it has to be done prior to the next cort date, as I won't let court proceedings stall.

She once again replied stating that the next date is not too far off.

The final message from my side, of which I am waiting for the response till this moment, was : If the offer to discuss is genuine it should and must be done before the next court date.

Now, as a person is sometimes blind to his own faults and a person is bound to grow over-confident, over zealous in certain situation, I need some sane advise in the light of above facts.

1. Is the light of above, does the offer seems genuine?
2. In the light of above, do they seem to have lost it all?
3. Any other insight?

Here I would like to re-iterate, that my sole interest lies in the welfare of the child.

Spare some thought for me and advise me, I am just curious to know diffirent reactions and opinions.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

PS: Wondering why am I posting it in Success Story Section? Even I wonder.


Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:19 am
Profile YIM

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 8:40 am
Posts: 286
I think if they haven't lost the case, at least they seem to have lost all motivation of fighting.

Save time, and ask her to not waste her time as well as yours, and to be clear and frank as to what she wants.

Tell her that any further relationship's health will be based on trust, and she must start by saying all that is in her heart.


Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:41 am
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Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:19 am
Posts: 568
Shonee ji,
Your post is in the right forum. It is a success story.
It seems they have realised that they are on the wrong end of the stick. I liked the way you have kept your upper hand with the last sms.
I am sure that they have lost it all but still am unsure if they have realised that they have. It seems that your wife has had a sad realisation that she wont win.
If I would be you and if they are offering to handover the child to me... i would take that offer... without prejudice..
If I were you... i would never take the wife back. Cant sleep "next to" her again really.
I would meet her.. in a public place... and wont call it a "DATE". I would like to poke her a bit more and see the quality of material that comes from within her (via her mouth :-))
The offer may seem genuine but so have many offers that you must have come across in your journey so far.

"She once again replied stating that the next date is not too far off." - unsure what she meant by that... does she want to delay the DATE? or is it that she needs time to think and the next date is not too far off.. meaning that she may require more time to think... any of these is true... then thats a question mark on the offer itself.

2. In the light of above, do they seem to have lost it all? - YES. They are "slowly" coming to a sad realisation. But, for me, it would be too soon to give them a helping hand. They are still only waist deep in the wetsand. They need to go atleast till the chin - if the offer is genuine... it will stay intact because i think it is not being driven from her ... it is driven from her situation - she seems to be loosing her place in the family. She seems to realise that the kid is growing and it would be difficult for the kid without a father...she seems to realise she wont gain anything if she keeps fighting... BUT... still the offer is not from her... like I said... the offer is circumstantial... and hence not genuine.

but that is just me.

_________________
Regards,
Tiwana
Skype: aftermarriage


Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:43 am
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 6:10 pm
Posts: 26
I do not think that her offer is genuine. I do not think she is genuine - the way she is approaching reconciliation (in case she is, I doubt that) is itself suspicious. She does not appear to be repenting her misdeeds, not yet anyway.

I think you must take the court cases to their logical conclusion. I do not think there can be any genuine 'date' between a husband and a 498a wife except the court date(s).

This is just transitional - you are just a bundle of nervousness and what you perceive as your (over)preparedness to handle the cross-examination apparently. Just sharpen your tools, nervousness will go away; do not let over-confidence seep in either.

This you should have clarified to yourself during initial stages itself - would you reconcile with her for the sake of your baby? I would not, if I were you. If I were you, I would go on to win all the cases, but in the interim, since you are chattering with her quite a bit (this too surprises me), I would drop the hint that I am willing to take the child back in case she wants to hand over the child to me after she has lost the cases and wants to move on in life with someone else/on her own.

A child with a good single parent is better than a child in a family where there are significant cracks in the relationship between the husband and wife.

The only real problem which a 498a Indian family man has I think, is how to satisfy the need to make love...in a safe and acceptable manner. But that's a different topic.

Ah, and I think your story would belong in the success stories list *after* you have won the case, not before it has not even been decided.

That said, so far, successful you have been definitely, so far; and what a fighter you apparently have been (fighting it out without even engaging a lawyer).


Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:24 pm
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Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 3:32 pm
Posts: 128
Shonee bhai,

You said you will consider the offer keeping your child in mind...

I feel the same as Tiwana ji :if the offer is genuine... it will stay intact because i think it is not being driven from her ... it is driven from her situation...

It appears as though her offer to cohabit with you is driven more of her situation and not bcz of interest in the welfare of the child . They were already agreed to give the child back to you as a settlement.

If both of you genuinely have a single agenda for re union , probably you should think of it...with different agendas,SITUATIONS and mindsets again relation may get strained .

I still wonder how a false 498a women will bring up her child and can think better for the welfare of child.

_________________
-----498A Girl is either a sign of an ultimately clueless person with enormous psychological issues or a very rational person who wants to harm you real bad----------------

**********SatyaMev Jayate - Let the truth Prevail***************


Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:45 pm
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Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 3:30 am
Posts: 50


Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:21 pm
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Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2010 10:20 am
Posts: 48
Shonee ji,

I totally agree with tiwana ji – “the offer is circumstantial... And hence not genuine..” & “if i would be you and if they are offering to handover the child to me... I would take that offer... Without prejudice..”.

498a is war & any weakness 4m ur opponent gives u all d more reasons not 2 compromise. It is highly risky. In ur shoes, i would have met with her, only to record evidences to be used against her using a hidden video recorder 2 b used in court (just in case). What if she 2 morrow uses 304b against u after returning (which happens in most of d 304b cases)? In any case, i don’t think u should allow urself 2 get carried away.

I would like 2 take this opportunity 2 thank u 4 ur invaluable, selfless social work via this forum.

_________________
"Society creates d crime, d criminal simply commits it" - nowhere does this adage fit better than this pathetic country, where gentlemen r forced 2 find d worst in themselves for as fundamental a right as 2 simply b allowed 2 live in peace.


Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:43 pm
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:27 am
Posts: 73
Dear Shonee,

I agree with invincible - 'I do not think that her offer is genuine. I do not think she is genuine - the way she is approaching reconciliation (in case she is, I doubt that) is itself suspicious. She does not appear to be repenting her misdeeds, not yet anyway.'

The SMS language used by her shows that she is a physco and she is definitely not sorry for putting a false case or is anyway concerned about the welfare of the child.

The SMS could be a trap too to record possible manipulated conversations with you. Or, who knows, she is referring to a Court Date in her SMS (out of her over confidence or desperation).

She has definitely started to break. As you mentioned, some of her family members have started to reject her too. Very soon her parents would like to get her out of the current situation and try to get her remarried to restart her life. At that point, they will give your child back to you.

My advice - do not take the offer to reconcile or trust her at this point. That's what I would I do in your situation.

All the very best,
Vishal


Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:06 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:41 am
Posts: 301
Guy Shonee,

You want to forgive a criminal ? what about the rest of us mere mortals to do when an immortal like you wants to give up. I am all for forgiving, but not before you win. Please win the case for all of us, you have waited for so many years and now you want to give up, and you might as well ask me ' what about you, you too gave up at some time back, wasn't that true', yes it is true, but please understand my case is entirely different than yours, the kind of revenge I was seeking too is entirely different than your case, in my case all I wanted to get done was to remove my bitter half name completely from my life and even change history for that, and towards that extent i achieved my objective even if it meant that i gave up or paid up, but my goal and target was different from the outset and yours is different.

If you think my opinions are good then please don't leave her without defeating her, okay you may not press perjury charges or defamation charges against her ! May be that you can allow to be given up. but don't loose the 498A case or settle it outside court.

Now coming to your child and his future, more than anything else your child would be very proud of you when he grows up if you can win this for him too, remember the odds of winning a 498A case being such low he would some day be able to understand your strengths and his mothers weaknesses, I guess he is a boy child, so it would matter to him too as he too can be a 498A victim in future, so you got to do this for him too. Agreed that his immediate future might be in jeopardy, but for that there are obviously other solutions too. I for one believe children don't really loose much under one parent sometimes they become really great people too -- aka roger federer.

And I didnt quite understand why you were in touch with your wife even if it is on SMSes, I didnt understand the logic behind it, isnt it so unneeded as you are the one who has been calling the shots for some time now.

And finally there is something I want to mention "Time is very important, but truth is more important than time" as said by none other than our beloved father of nation Mr M.K. gandhi

Thanks
Aragon


Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:32 pm
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Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:02 am
Posts: 44
Dear Shonee ji
"She once again replied stating that the next date is not too far off."...she is lying, she desperately wants to meet up with you that is why she said that.
Be sly, practical and strategic as you have always been throughout this saga. Meet her only if you feel you can get something out of it (as far as the case is concerned), the farmer's remote could well be with his counsel :).
Don't let emotions take over...be strong

regards
RJ


Thu Oct 28, 2010 3:41 pm
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:04 am
Posts: 53
Hello Shonee,
I just crossed that terrible junction that you currently find yourself at. Please Hear me clear !!!!!! It just needs a wake up call, I got mine after talking to just couple of my friends for over 20 years. One of them asked me to be human and review the situation which she appears to be presenting me. The other smacked my head and reminded I could have easily ended up in jail for at least 10 yrs (i have more sections) because of this girl and her beautifully frammed dowry case with multiple synchronous witnesses.

My situation :
Divorce pending
Unable to see my child for many yrs, she made a big joke of visitation.
I escalate my 498a trial
All attempts to intimidate me with conviction and instead go for compromise (even the Mgstrt.) (offer - live together)
I never bothered, asked to proceed with trial
Chief Stmts complete from 6 witness (including her)
Cross scheduled on her
Their offer turns to atleast settle and walk away. I never bothered.
On the day of Cross - She brings child to crl. court. I melted but not for her.
Cross went thru, still more witness pending.
I have been intimidated to the extent of not returning alive. They have humanly killed me 3 yrs ago so threats dont matter, its time to face the emotionless monster they have made out of me. (Remember this is what you are now!!!!).
Some witness get scared of my unchanged stance and back off from their original 161, and give a different true version. Case getting very weak.
Now they are scared to face the consequence, and FIL doing all he can to get me convicted, or else it would be a great disgrace.
Many devils are fine leaving the case pending coz its easy to fool the society that she is the victim and the guy always runs behind p****.
If you finish the case, that makes her position very worse she cant lie anymore to anyone, hence she needs immediate escape route. Do not fall for her offer. Take the child if u can handle, coz its a nightmare winning a custody battle in India.
Finish the trial and clear your name first before thinking about saving anyone else who you think may have transformed into a honest human.
If she has really changed she would take responsiblity for her acts and honestly wait for your subsequent steps after trial, weather be it counter cases from you or reunion. If she hasn't changed I will bet you will not miss her vengence. Only if you put her thru this final test you would know if she is human or still a monster.

Hope this information helps you resolve your confusion. End of the day, its just a reflection of your personality. Are you Gandhi to show the other cheak and also step into darkness with optimisim, or just a human who has burnt his finger (in our case the entire arm).

BTW - The DATE thing.. hope u are aware of IPC 376A. Hope it isn't a new trap ;)

Goodluck...
Dev


Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:43 pm
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Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:49 pm
Posts: 417
I totally agree with Dev,
"If wealth is lost nothing is lost-If health is lost some thing is lost-If character is lost Everything is lost" She has lost her character (by filing false criminal case against you /defaming you / putting your life and freedom at risk) and it mean she has lost every thing.

Further for any relation ship (father vs son, husband vs wife, brother vs sister, friend vs friend or any other relation for that mater) "Trust" is the foundation when that is lost then it is like a building with a damaged/no foundation. It won't stand- and will collapse instantaneously.

Any reconcilliation at this stage is like accepting to live with a time bomb always in your pocket. I disagree with the notion that people will change their mind. This offer is only due to frustration after exausting all their weapons. This offer is itself an covert wepon used as a last resort to to destroy you. Never agree for any reconcilliation. As some other member have mentioned. It is better for your child to live with single parent than to be with parents who fight with each other and have no trust with each other. If you get an offer to get your child, then go for it but make all legal work done to get full legal custody of you son, so that she won't use him as pawn and will try to give trouble to you and eventually troubling your son.

No taking back of wifes after 498a... period. Keep your fight going, it looks like you came so far, that the success line is just few steps away. Don't ever give up.

NOTHING IS BETTER THAN NONSENSE.


Thu Oct 28, 2010 6:14 pm
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:44 pm
Posts: 5419
Location: Delhi (India)
Heartfelt thanks for the Opinions and Advises, wait for my next postings.


Fri Oct 29, 2010 5:20 am
Profile YIM

Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 9:03 am
Posts: 44
Here are some words that my lawyer keeps repeating to me:-You are wasting your youth fighting.(as she doesn't charge me any money) I am going to charge you 10,000Rs per visit so that u stop eating my head.

Shoneeji, Life tham gayi hai andhera ho gya hai and this is a ray of light the only thing I suggest is proceed with EXTREME caution. Dudh ka jala lassi bhi phook phook kar peeta hai.

Do you think you would be able to be able to live a normal life with the lady? If your answer is yes proceeeeeeeeeed ek second wait mat karo ab mai bolta hun "you are wasting your youth fighting"

Law/police/jail/court is a joke in our country anyone who can buy vegetables can file cases.

This is in the right section sir if this works out i think all the members will be happy and all of us pray that it works out the way god thinks is best for you and your child!


Fri Oct 29, 2010 5:46 am
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Joined: Tue May 11, 2010 8:36 am
Posts: 163

_________________
Distance between expectation and reality is called "PROBLEM"


Fri Oct 29, 2010 11:15 am
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Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:45 pm
Posts: 242
Hi Shonee Bhai,
I think most of my fellow brothers are correct. fronmm an outsider/third persons prespective I think she has begun to understand that she cannot fight you in court and if your info is correct about her sis in law etc etc then she might not be getting any support from her parents and family members.

If i were her I would probably
1. be thinking about a revenge if not in legal sense then why not in the emotional sense.
2. Know all your weak spots. (i assume you had a love marriage after a long courtship). and would use my beauty and the memories of those old days to soften you up
3. have all the information and mistakes i have done so far in my court statements and cases. I now know all the do and don'ts and that would make me a far powerful enemy than I was when i filed thoase cases on you.
4. Since because of you, my family has got in trouble and i have lost theall their support, i would like to see the same to you.
5. What could be worse than you sleeping with your biggest enemy. The best time to attack would be when you are innocently trying to give me second chance and have your guards down.
6. Most importantly, it took you years to build a level of repect, knowledge and reputation that everyone of us feel proud of (Believe me i do). She is now armed with every knowledge that can put you into trouble and tarr your reputation/career.

but on the other hand

1. She might have felt that she is all alone now and needs a helpign hand.
2 realized that she is no longer welcomed in her parents house
3. she has realized her mistake and wants to start a new life with you.

IBuddy it can be either of the two situations. I think you are the best judge who knows her nature, her body language and all other aspects required to seperate milk from water... All the best. may god be with you


but...the thing that puzzled me is she is still using her brain rather than her heart... i would have been glad if her message would have said .... I am sorry about filing all the false cases and causing so much trouble to you. please fogive me... rathern than A FLIRTATEOUS "AGAR AAP KAHO...."


MY TWO CENTS...


Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:43 pm
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Thanks to one and all.

I am meeting her today again, I would write down my impressions and gatherings from the meeting (not date) and further queries, if I have.


Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:51 am
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:-)

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Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:25 am
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Shonee bhai.. how did the meeting go??

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Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:29 pm
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If after all this you can still find love in your heart, much kudos to you! In my case, I can forget, forgive, and my be friends (even that's a stretch) but not cohabit.


Tue Nov 09, 2010 7:00 pm
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Hi Friends,

OK, so we have met twice ever since above SMS.

First Meeting: I played with my son only, nothing of material importance was discussed.

Second Meeting: Long meeting, though nothing of material importance was agreed, but discussed a lot of things.

My first topic of interest and discussion was, whether we fail or succeed in coming to any solution out of court, we have to be civil to each other for the sake of the child. Regardless of who gets the custody of the child, the other parent would have the visitation rights and may be rights to weekend custody at some point. In such scenerio, if we don't remain civil to each other, it would be against the interests of the child.

She on her part had no proposal, as to how to end it. She was just full of rheoteric, "WELFARE OF THE CHILD", to which I asked her point blank, where was this interest for all those years. She had no answer, no admission of her mistake atleast. And I also emphasised without any sugar-coating, that to me, it seems a delay tactics. Because, she knows in her heart that they have lost it all.

(Basis of my such assertion: Though, I can not and should not predict the outcome of cases, as surprises do happen and no one knows the mind of the judge, prima-facie at this point of time, it is she who has perjured herself in courts, her divorce petition is on the brink of dismissal and she is avoiding coming to evidence in 498-A and GWA. And it is her father, who is feeling the heat from IT Department. The officer, who was supporting them is also feeling the heat, because I have complained against him to his higher authorities based on the disclosures made by her father in the heat of the moment. So, I am a wee bit confident, though it would be foolish to be cocksure about anything in such matters.)

And as she had no proposal worth anything, the discussion ended with an assurance from her side that she would have a proposal by the time next court appearance.

I also stressed that, in no case now the court proceedings can be delayed any further, as I would oppose any such move and if any such effort is made by her counsel in court, all discussions are off and then I would like to contest in court only. The reason, if cases have to be closed, they can be closed at anytime, why delay the process.

On my part, I have told her that I am ready for all 5 possible options which we have, but for each option I have certain conditions.

The options are:

1. Let all cases go on as they are.
2. Let she get divorce and other cases go on.
3. Let she get divorce and I get discharged in 498-A and GWA goes on.
4. Let she get divorce and I get discharged in 498-A and I get the custody of the kid.
5. Let all cases close and she joins me back.

So, maybe there is no actual progress on ground. But one thing which I wanted to see for my own self was her demeanour. You all would agree that more than 50% of the communication is non-verbal.

I won't disclose as of now, which impressions I have carried from the meeting (not Date), as the situation is a lil delicate as of now. But I would disclose the same on this forum in due course of time.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

PS: I was also informed by my lovely 498-a wife, that my almost 4 year old son has a steady girlfriend. And she lamented, like father - like son. The same was duly put by me as my facebook status yesterday itself. :-)


Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:21 am
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Humm..not enough meat...
I dont like the 5th option bro....

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Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:57 am
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Surprises me no end how gullible even the wise can be (Option 5).

This is her second comment (the son, at 4 years, has a steady girlfriend!), first one being asking you out for date in such a frivolous manner, which confirms (to myself) my opinion that she is not worth reconciling with.

At the risk of sounding like the Satan, Option 1 is the only option really; you did not ask this time for an opinion though.


Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:53 am
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Shoneek stop all sms meeting immediately, you will get trapped and change your success to loss. Do not act like a fool- emotional or overconfident - eitherways.


Wed Nov 10, 2010 1:22 pm
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Shoneek Bro... She is just in a state of panic coz of Cross exam under oath. Just stay focused on your path, finish the case and then you will be in a much better position to try all experiments that you are currently trying. She will find herself at the worst spot, and her proposals would be much better and workable to you.

Good luck...


Wed Nov 10, 2010 2:28 pm
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Shoneek,

it looks very complicated for me, Experts say men can never read or understand women cent percent bcoz they are monkeys. still I feel you have a little bit of soft corner for her some where. In that case u go by your instincts. if you reunite with her I suspect the level of trust between both of you. if there is no 100 percent trust i dont think the relation is going to prosper.


Wed Nov 10, 2010 3:35 pm
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Shonee bhai,
Even if this meeting must have been a personal meeting/reunion with your beloved child and once beloved wife but please allow me to present my humble views here.

First of all I have full trust in your action and judgements... However only place i think you have a chance of going weak is in a meeting like this. Where your tough outer self must have been weaken by the presence of your lovely child and your Beloved (once) wife.
If my understanding is correct then these things must have happened to varying degree in this meeting:-
1. She acted cute
2. She cracked jokes
3. She played/acted the way she did during your courtship days
4. She told cute/lovely things about your child, about his habiyts and similarity to his habits to yours (I am sure Dating tops the chart here :) )
5. She must have smiled a lot trying to crack some jokes and tried to make u laugh..

If anyone of the above mentioned points is correct then I am sure she is cunning playing with you and trying to soften you up.

Moreover "Welfare of the child" seems like a legal term rather than something that is coming out of her heart that she is repeating again and again. Shonee bhai !!!! she knows all yoru weak spots right from the days of courtship and later after the birth of child.

Do you not remember the story in which when Greek's couldn't conquer Troy they left a horse... I remember that story after reading your meeting details....

In my humble opinion, sit on the meeting for a few days... Then reanalyse it from the prespective of a third person...
A few questions that you must analyze are:-


Was she true to her words?
Was her body language going well with her words?
Was it one of the times when she really spoke her heart out?
Was she really serious about the child or was just yusing him as apawn
.....

All the best Buddy.. i think the most difficult phase for you has just started....

My two cents...

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Wed Nov 10, 2010 5:26 pm
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Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:24 pm
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Shoneek bhai,
I always believed that it is impossible to reconcile with a 498A wife and that she should be shunned. So much bad flows between the spouses once there is such a cruel allegation from the wife. However there are two considerations:
(A) You have decided that your son's welfare is paramount. (B) You do not seem to have a revenge motive against your wife.
Based on that I believe that you have to try to push your option#5 on her. Such may not be the best course for most 498A husbands, but life/youthful time being short and there being only losers in a marital disputes, Option #5 is optimum for anyone with considerations (A) and (B) above.
Next, you have to think about the likelyhood of your wife being insincere in the future - aftger you two reconcile and resume cohabitation. Will she have the strength to fight you again on false gorunds? Assume the worst, hope for the best. (Ask yourself, do you care if the worst happens. If you scared about that, don't take her back.)
Best wishes.


Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:13 am
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Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:24 am
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Tiwana ji,
you must have watched the movie "Troy" , after Greeks realizing the fact they can not defeat troy in a direct war after the defeat in 12day war and loosing many soldiers , wanted to take a revenge on troy ,having known it will be a futile excersize to attack directly at day light they leave a Trozen horse as a gift to Troy and leave the horse at their camp, then depart, hiding their ships in a nearby cove.Despite many warnings Assuming victory, the Trojans take the horse into the city and celebrate. A band of Greeks come out of the horse at night, opening the gates to the city, allowing the main army to enter. The unprepared Trojans are overwhelmed by the greek's army and finally gets killed mercelessly.

If shonee bahi chose # 5 , i hope his wife is not a as deceptive as Greeks or Shonee is not as dumb as Trojans.

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-----498A Girl is either a sign of an ultimately clueless person with enormous psychological issues or a very rational person who wants to harm you real bad----------------

**********SatyaMev Jayate - Let the truth Prevail***************


Thu Nov 11, 2010 2:39 am
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Thanks mate... i think i have gotten the idea of what the story is... and no i havent watched the movie Troy because i dont watch movies or tv... but yes i understand what the story is now... thank you :-)

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Thu Nov 11, 2010 3:25 am
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and if Shonee chooses option 5 ever... i would never say "shonee ji aap mahaan hain" ... even if the kid is involved... i think living a doubtful life is more harmful for the kid... kids take up part of what parents do, say, behave, act etc.... also.. we cant expect the kid to understand 10 years down the line the sacrifice that we made (by way of living with a person that we doubt every time we exhale) .... to me ... and i have a kid as well... to me my peace of mind is more important than the "possible" good life the kid may get... because my peace of mind determines what i can give to my kid and how well i can take care of my kid... so.. i would like to make sure that i have all the loose ends tied before i tie my love harness to my kid....
the worst one can do to a kid is seed in a suspicious nature during his/her young days... that nature stays for a very long time.
i tend to think that the kid will be better off without both parents than both parents living in an artificial world around the kid.
but that is just me.

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Thu Nov 11, 2010 3:32 am
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Thu Nov 11, 2010 10:12 am
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Dear All,

First of all, my heartfelt thanks for bearing up with me, reading and commenting on this message.

Secondly, I am not a revengeful person, and yes, I am ready to go through 1000 hells for my child.

Thirdly, statement two notwithstanding, I won't enter the hell on purpose, when I know that it is not going to help the child in the longer run. I am taking my own sweet time in knowing each and every aspect of it. I may not be infalliable, but, there are certain risks one has to take in life.

I would keep my brothers posted on the developments.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor


Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:54 am
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Shonee Sir,

The heat of emotions shown by some of our fellow-sufferers towards 498-a wives is very understandable. However, we should not generalize all women. Some of them may be sincere to return for leading a peaceful and happy life. Unless the same emotions are reciprocated there would be no happy reunion.

While I am sure that you would best-judge your case yourself, some of the heated posts, more or less generalized, on this thread have been reminding me of a couplet that I used to listen in my happy times. I consider it worth sharing here:

कोई तितली हमारे पास आती भी तो क्यों आती,
सजाये उम्र भर कागज़ के फूल और पत्तियाँ हमने !

Everybody has his own opinion. Even after being in this mess for last 12 years (and don’t know about future), my opinion is that we should not become stone-hearted just after one bad experience rather we should be ready to welcome if life offers happy times again.

Consider my opinion if you feel that she has sincere motives.

Regards and best wishes,


Rajesh


Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:57 am
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Shonee sir,

After I spoke to you, I realized how much love and respect you have for your better half. I am all for your decision/option, whichever, you choose. All I can say is she is extremely lucky, fortunate and blessed to get a guy like you.

Despite all the criminal cases, harassment, torture and despicable behavior, you refused to abandon the thought she is your wife.

May all 498a wives find the qualities of you in their husbands. :D

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Sun Nov 14, 2010 7:59 am
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Sun Nov 14, 2010 12:41 pm
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It may well does... but even after cementing... it is that very crack that splits open under pressure...

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Sun Nov 14, 2010 2:14 pm
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Flash Flash
This thread has taken an emotional turn.

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Sun Nov 14, 2010 2:16 pm
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Has anyone seen this hindi movie, "Unns"? Don't know about you, but I hated it.

Though what Shonee is trying is not that extreme, I would rather proposal#5 came from her with remorse rather than him soliciting it or putting covert pressure on her to accept it.


Mon Nov 15, 2010 12:12 am
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Dear Shonee

Good to know the developments and your wisdom of options and being humble and open to ideas from forum members..

Some words to reflect upon...

He comes with incense in one hand, in the other a spear. (Chinese)

He that keeps not his arms in time of peace will have none in time of war. (Irish)

I prefer the most unjust peace to the most just war. (Roman)

A broken mirror can be joined up, however it will break on the slightest application of pressure.

May be wise to consider making her withdraw all cases, except divorce case and getting 'stay' or late court date on divorce case for a year, should be sufficient time to test her intentions and match compatibility again.

Cupid is the great illusionist who distorts reality!

One should dip their toe in water to test it 's suitability rather than to speculate.

My best wishes and God bless, my dear Oracle ;~)


Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:40 pm
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FINAL UPDATE:

Let me tell my brothers first thing first. The talks between me and my lovely 498-A wife have broken and the cases as of now would be fought on merits. I am greatly satisfied with the way I handled the situation, with offcourse able help of some of the forum members, whom I consulted, I owe it to you guys.

Now let me recapture the events for those willing to read further.

1. Those who have read the first post of this thread would know that we met her under some grapevine which I had heard from my Vibhishan and other sources. I am glad to tell you that, if I am a reasonably good reader of people, all of those were true. VOILA.

2. My lovely 498-A wife came to Delhi to meet me. I played a perfect gentleman and a courteous host, sent her back with gift for the kid and a nice lunch, but at no point conceding that I am in any manner going to be a pushover, my stand was consistant and categorical, that I won't accept anything but the truth to come out under oath, not only from her side, but also from all the witnessess of her side, including under which threats and coercions they told the untruth in police station.

3. At no point there was any stance from my side, which could be construed as threatening, intimidating and so on. I kept an open mind, listened her carefully (over half of the communication is non-verbal), didnot get enticed with the offer of meeting and being with my son immediately, did not give in to the arm-twisting for the sake of the child.

What my lovely 498-A wife communicated me through her verbose arguments (not necessary to be re-produced, I have transcript, if anyone wants to read) and coy smiles, can be summed in two lines. "I am stuck, save me. I don't know what I want, but I won't leave my attitude." To, which my sole reply was - "Thanks, but NO, mah lady".

In all this, I must once again comment that I am do very impressed by her lawyer. He definately has the best interests of the client in his mind. After much deliberations, his final offer communicated to me against my offer of - 'Truth and nothing but the truth from all witnessess', was - 'let the 498-A be quashed without anyone saying anything, in the interest of saving the marriage.' Which off-course meant. No immediate threat to you, but we want to keep the option of filing yet another 498-A open. And at that point, without any further sugar-coated words or arguments, my immediate reply was - 'We are not on same page, I am not interested in communicating any further.'

My such assertion and refusal led to some more name calling, which I am anyways deaf to. Afterall, Allah ne do kaan kisliye diye hai.

Thanks once again for sane advises and words. This episode is complete. If the thread doesnot serve any purpose, it can be locked.

Satya, Heartfelt thanks for unlocking the thread at my request.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

PS: Many shall be restored that are now fallen, many shall fall that are now in horror (errrrrrr. honor) ;-)


Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:15 am
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Hmmmm. Sad that despite all the trouble, there is not an ounce of regret and paschataap amongst the paapis, oh well, Shonee-ji, time to sharpen the sword and start going to the gym, to build some muscles.

You have done your bit, given your time and a chance for the outlaws to see sense. Sad they insist on walking down that path.

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Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:32 am
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